Dunbar Memorial Garden

This afternoon amid a strong breeze and cooler temperatures, a sign was planted in our latest mulch pile reading "Property of the Dunbar Memorial Garden." As we near our first official work date of April 25th there are many lists to be made and subsequently lost (j/k) and many contacts to be re-made, many things to be done.
Ellidia - the eternally wonderful president of Dunbar's Beta Club stopped by to visit and allow me to rant on about what we want to do this year, about her wonderful scholarship to Vandy, about the plans that are perpetually evolving and changing - of which her participation for the past two years has been a kind of saving grace.

We really love Ellidia and will miss her as she graduates this year - not just for her support of the garden and mindtriggerz but for her exuberance and compassion and her ability to make us laugh! She will most definitely be a force to reckon with at Vandy. Yesterday most of our native grasses got pruned back and green shoots were seen sprouting below. On Saturday afternoon with assistance from Josh, Joyce and James, we unloaded a couple of truck loads of mulch Jesse's dad and I picked up that morning. It was good to be in the sunshine amid the laughter and will be good to get back to working there together again.

During Spring Break on an afternoon when I surely clocked 6 hours at the garden pulling onion grass and dandelions, transplanting and giving away several flats of native sunflowers - I went to dump my bucket of weeds and spotted my first goldfinch of the year. Yellow is Jesse's "color" so of course the goldfinch has become my favorite bird. The little guy was just chirping away in a tree close by so I responded in his non-native language: "hey buddy, what's up with you?" His response was to fly closer and land with two of his friends in a tree in front of my face. I stood there for a moment then turned and walked away because I wasn't seeing them clearly anymore due to tears.

Most of the bereaved parents I know look for signs in nature for their kids so I know I'm not alone in this. Many of the kids while working in the garden will look to the sky and when they spot a buzzard will wave at "Tevis." In various photos taken during work sessions a mysterious pink "orb" is seen - we attribute that to Josh who loved the color pink.

For almost two years now I have been unable to do any garden work at my own home - something that prior to losing Jesse was a source of passion and great therapy for me. After working all day at the garden and spotting those birds I decided to try. I planted a few of the native sunflowers along with a rattlesnake master in my backyard. It was hard but I managed. As I stood there considering this altered landscape I noticed one single bright pink tulip. I'd planted many tulips many years ago but this guy was the only one that sprouted. I stood there thinking of Josh and hoping it was a "sign" from him or for him? When I turned around there sitting in my basement window was the single survivor of a triptych of primroses Jesse had given me for Mothers Day in 2006. Two of the plants died during the early weeks following Jesse's accident and when I finally noticed, I made it a mission to do whatever I could to save the last one and yes, that was a struggle. I tried every spot in the house, every chemical I could find but it struggled and struggled until finally this winter I just put it in the sunniest window of the house and asked it to please keep trying. It did, and when I looked at it that evening a perfect yellow flower had blossomed. If I hadn't been where I was doing what I was at the time, I would have never seen it.

I will always struggle with these "signs" and my hopes that they are real. The young ones that gather around help a lot with that because they do believe and I am thankful to them for that almost more than anything else. They KNOW the energies of Josh, Jesse and Hannah are still here. I can't imagine surviving without them. <3